Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
