you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize