I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
