3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
