That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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