i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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