We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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