you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
