my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
