The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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