Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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