Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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