2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
