I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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