Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
