Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
