I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
