This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
