he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
