I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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