some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
