Whatcha textin bout Willis?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
