The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
