I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
