you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
