You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
