I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
