I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
