I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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