I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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