new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
