Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
