come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
this hospital has no fireball
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
