Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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