yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
