i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
