I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
