I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
