I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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