Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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