I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
