I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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