after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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