Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
