Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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