I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize