I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
