So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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