so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
