The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
