New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
