Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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