Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize