He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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