Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
