found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
