well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
