these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
