He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Let's paint friendship bongs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
