just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
