There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
why is half of my head shaved?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize