i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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