You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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