So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
