shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
