I wish I could punch you in the face.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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