do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
