we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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